for amy

The trip to Kansas was a lot of fun and Danielle's talks were great. I got a signed copy of her book, Mom to Mom, Day to Day while I was there. A lot of the things she talked about were similar to things she writes on her blog, in her articles, and in her books. I am sure that everyone got something different out of the day, depending on the things with which they're struggling. In all the presentations, Danielle talked about embracing the vocation of motherhood and becoming the real mom God wants you to be. Here are my notes from the three talks:

Admit that it's hard. Seek support, friendships. It's not selfish, it's human.
Do what you are doing. We do a lot of multi-tasking and our work is scattered and unfocused. Train yourself to do one thing at a time. The thing you are doing is what God wants of you at the moment and that is enough. You will do a better job and your family will benefit from your focused attention.
Get to Heaven. Bring Your Brother. Accept the season of life that you are in. Don't complicate things. Stay focused on your heavenly goals.
Prayer must come first. We have an active vocation. Don't try to work your vocation around your prayer life. Find ways to pray in your vocation. Do a morning offering to cover your day. Attach prayers to certain activities. We say grace before meals. Say a prayer as you begin to prepare a meal, do laundry, change a diaper.

We forget to put our families first. Don't be a supermom who is always out saving the world and neglecting our own families.
We don't keep our eyes on our own work. We compare ourselves to other moms but we don't realize that we're only seeing what they choose to show us about themselves.
We talk about what is important and don't act. Make a list of your priorities. Find out what you're actually doing. See where your problems are and make changes so that you can live your life as you intend.
We forget to take care of ourselves. Enlist help. Teach the kids responsibility through chores. Find out what matters to your husband. Don't spin your wheels scrubbing the oven when he only wants a drawer full of clean socks. Clock out at the end of the day. No more cleaning after the kids are in bed; the dirt will wait until tomorrow. Your relationship with your husband will benefit. Relax your standards according to the season of life you are in. We are serving our families. The work we do / the house we keep is for the benefit of our spouse and children. It doesn't have to look like the cover of a magazine.

MOMS NOT TO BE:
Nagging mom (turns into yelling mom). We take a calm approach in public with effective results. Why do we keep it together in public to impress some little old lady, but not at home where God is watching? Nagging and yelling don't work anyway...Look to Mary as our model.
Material mom. The media tells us what we should look like and what we should have to be "normal". We only have things to get us to heaven. Even poor people can be materialistic if they place a higher value on things rather than people. We need to seek first the kingdom of God and all these things will be given you besides.
Distracted mom. Find quiet. Distractions keep us from the children and husband who we are called to serve. Distractions keep us from listening to God.
Slacker mom. It is really easy to find people who will make excuses for us. Of course you can't expect to keep up with housework/find time for prayer. Look at how busy you already are! When we embrace failure and admit defeat before we even try our families suffer and so do we. There is value in the trying. Find ways to keep yourself accountable. Don't sell yourself short.

Whatever your particular struggles, we have Mary and the Church with the graces offered to us through the Sacraments; especially Marriage, Confession, and the Eucharist.

Of course, all of this was peppered with Danielle's signature humor and shared stories from her life. It was a relatively small group of ladies and there were opportunities to both ask questions as a group and talk to her individually and it sounds like she enjoyed visiting with us, too.