patience...

While talking to my mom the other day, she mentioned this book:The Five Love Languages of Children by Gary Chapman and Ross Campbell, M.D. I have been reading through the archived columns that Elizabeth Foss wrote for the Arlington Catholic Herald and this is the one I read last night: "The Five Love Languages: Buy This Book." Excerpted from this book, at the end of the article, was the following:

"You may find it helpful to frequently remind yourself of some rather obvious things about your children:

1. They are children.

2. They will tend to act like children.

3. Much childish behavior is unpleasant.

4. If I do my part as a parent and love them, despite their childish behavior, they will mature and give up their childish ways."

We have The Five Love Languages, which I have recommended to other couples. Gary Chapman briefly goes over Children and Love Languages in Chapter 13 of this book, but maybe I need to read more...thankfully, they have this book at the library. It is on hold for me to pick up tomorrow.

You may wonder why I need to read this. Don't I love my kids unconditionally? Well, of course I say that I do, but the scripture comes to mind: "My little children, let us not love in word, nor in tongue, but in deed, and in truth." 1 John 3:18

I'm not sure that I have been showing them unconditional love lately. Adam started working a second job two weeks ago. His friend is an electrician who owns his own business and due to the fact that autumn is his busiest time of year and that he was recently ill, he hired Adam as an apprentice to help him get caught up. Adam took the job because we could use the extra money and the work experience could help him out in the future. He has been working at least three times a week after work until late at night, and the last two Saturdays. When he has not been working FOR his friend, he has been working WITH his friend. One of the work vans broke down (and today, the power steering pump went out on the other). They have wood to cut, split, and stack for the winter. They had a few things to fix on their fishing boat before winterizing it. They're getting ready for deer hunting season.

This means that I have been at home with the kids just about every day and night, left to deal with that 'unpleasant childish behavior' on my own. My response has not been exemplary. I have not been patient. I hear Eliphaz' accusation of Job directed to me: "But now the scourge is come upon thee, and thou faintest: it hath touched thee, and thou art troubled. Where is thy fear, thy fortitude, thy patience, and the perfection of thy ways?" Job 4:5-6

Patience is inextricably linked with humility and charity. "I therefore, a prisoner in the Lord, beseech you that you walk worthy of the vocation in which you are called, With all humility and mildness, with patience, supporting one another in charity." Ephesians 4:1-2

When I lose my patience with my children, I am not loving them. The words of our Lord to Blessed Anna-Maria Taigi in Wife, Mother and Mystic by Albert Bessieres, S.J.emphasize this:

"Who possesses charity, My daughter, possesses patience." (p. 61)
"He that is humble is patient," (p.90).

Jesus, meek and humble of heart; Make my heart like unto thine.